I Never Got To Say I Love You
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: YAOI!! Yami Bakura has died, leaving behind a distraught Yami Malik. Malik remembers his and Bakura's past and the love they shared. R
1. PRESENT I

disclaimers: I OWN IT ALL!!! HAHAHAHA!! ..not really.  
  
This is Yaoi, boyxboy love. Dont like, bye bye!  
  
Yami B: yes, bye bye!  
  
Yami M: Ja ne!  
  
^_^  
  
I NEVER GOT TO SAY I LOVE YOU  
  
We all knew you were dieing. It was evident from the beginning. The second you were found unconcious by your aibou, we knew it then. How stupid were we? We disregarded it though and figured it was a passing phase but it wasn't. I close my eyes, ignoring the rain that pelts onto my hair. I ignore the people whom we deemed enemies so many years ago. They have offered what little condolences I'll accept. I'm not strong without you! I know your probably laughing your head off right now, seeing us mourn you. The image brings a smile to my lips. I wonder how much trouble your causing? I feel sorry for Osiris.  
  
Gods, why did you have to die? I never figured I'd miss you this much, even after the few days you've been gone has been like hell. We constantly argued, fought, and yet we always stayed together. We balanced each other well. We were the missing halves of two souls. Not once did I tell you how I feel. I never told you I loved you. Was it because I was scared of rejection? Was it because of my own selfish pride? I'd like to think the latter. Thats one thing both of us had plenty to spare of.  
  
You were too young to die. Only twenty five. Well, maybe not that young. You were 5025, when counting our years in Egypt. Egypt...the place where we first met. I'll never forget those times. We were always getting into trouble with Pharoah Yugioh. I glance at him, his arms around his hikari. Both appear to be crying over the loss of you. My vision strays to your aibou. Tears have caused his eyes to be bloodshot, dark rings are underneath his lower lids. The resembelance between you two is uncanny. It brings back a feeling of nostalgia. Whats this? I'm crying? Now I know your laughing. Your aibou gives me a sad smile and I turn back to the headstone. They buried you yesterday. I had to come today and make sure I wasn't dreaming. I haven't been back to our house yet. I don't think I can. Your aibou has allowed me to stay with him until I summon the rest of what little strength I have left. I skim my fingers across your name. I chuckle at the angel perched on top. So unlike you. We should have got one with both characteristics of an angel and a devil; yami and hikari. I sigh, the rains coming in torrents now. The others are returning to the cars, black clothes sodden. I don't want to leave. Just being here makes me think that one day, we'll meet again.  
  
I thought you would like to be buried here, the place where we first joined our bodies as one. The sakura tree is blooming, as it was that night. Eventually, it will whither away and die like you did but my love for you won't. Love. I never wanted it, never needed it, thought it was a curse. Was I wrong. To know I had you for myself was the greatest thrill. I can sense my aibou's concern wash over me. I send him a mental nod that I'll be coming along shortly. I reach into my pocket and withdraw a rose. The flower is so much like you. I place it on the grass, bring my fingers to my lips and touch your engraved name once again. I turn on my heel and head for the car. I don't bother to hide the tears, don't bother to hide my pain.  
  
Your aibou pats my shoulder awkwardly, not used to seeing me in such a pitiful state. I flinch and he removes his hand. He looks too much like you. The woman, I can't remember her name, hands me a tissue, a smile on her face. I nod my thanks and turn to stare out of the window. The passing trees, the passing houses, the passing of...life. Is this the reason we are even born? To die? No....I believe it is to find love. Whether you do or don't depends on how hard you try. I've become soft, but only in private musings. I never even acted tenderly to you while you were alive and how I regret it.  
  
Meninigitis Septicaemia . Its a type of blood poisoning. It releases toxins in the blood which break down the walls of the blood vessles. Its what killed you because we didn't know. The doctors told us that it was a rare case in that your skin didn't become spotted, or bruised. It directly attacked your body. I'm sorry, koi. If only you hadn't acted so tough. We figured nothing could touch you. Even me. Bakura.....you are truly missed. I have to piece myself together again...just like I did all of those years ago in Egypt. Your were who I leaned on, my lifeline. You were the rock that was strong for me. I was the weak one back then. You were the pair of arms that held me when I was scared. When nobody else was around, you were there. Gods Bakura, if only I could change our past but I can't. All I can do is reminensce. Perhaps, if I remember enough of those memories, I can find the will to move forwards. In our past...I did tell you I loved you and I'd like to think you still remembered when you returned to this time. Bakura.......  
  
* * * Was it good, bad? Let me know! ^_^ This is NOT the end! I'm going to have their past, how they met, etc. SONG FOR THIS STORY/CHAPTER: do you remember me?  
  
Right now, I hear your voice  
  
saying "Come here to me."  
  
Just when it seemed loneliness had beaten me.  
  
Right now, I see you  
  
walking over to me.  
  
I close my eyes and wait for you to come.  
  
Till yesterday, it seemed filled only with tears.  
  
But now my heart is  
  
* Do you remember? The time when our eyes first met?  
  
Do you remember? The time when our hands first touched?  
  
That was the very first time I set out on the journey of love.  
  
I love you so.  
  
Right now, I can feel your gaze  
  
though you're not here with me.  
  
And in my body a warmth begins to glow.  
  
Right now, I believe in your love,  
  
so won't you please  
  
watch over me from so far away?  
  
Till yesterday it seemed filled only with tears.  
  
Now the world is... 


	2. PAST I

disclaimers: I OWN IT ALL!!! HAHAHAHA!! ..not really.  
  
This is Yaoi, boyxboy love. Dont like, bye bye!  
  
Yami B: yes, bye bye!  
  
Yami M: Ja ne!  
  
Malik is going to be OOC and so will Bakura and Yami(Yugioh) and Kaiba (Seth). This is in Ancient Egypt. I know I should have researched it but...eh....I didn't feel like it. I do know some about Ancient Egypt (I'm going to be an Egyptologist when i go off to college next year :P)  
  
Useful translations for Egyptian words I will be using in the rest of this fic  
  
beautiful: nefer love: mr child: khered mother: mewet friend: mer  
  
prince: re-pat son: sa thief: itja father: it magesty: hm  
  
  
  
I NEVER GOT TO SAY I LOVE YOU  
  
PAST I  
  
Wind blew from the eastern reaches of the city, sand storms were drifting across the expansive desert. The sparse vegetation snapped and got sucked into the dust. The burgundy drapes of an abandoned, stucco house billowed as the wind swept by. To an outside observer, the humble abode appeared to be deserted. The doors were boarded, the windows were cracked, leaving several human size holes, the walls had pieces peeling. Inside, however, was an escape from the palace guards. The adviser of the pharoah, Seth, captured the orphans and runaways and would throw them in the prison with the thieves and murderers.  
  
A young boy, fifteen years old, sat inside the home. Golden blonde hair that reflected the rays of the sun wafted in the breeze, the light violet eyes closed. The Egyptian teenager sighed heavily, staring into the darkness of one of the rooms. How long had it been since he had someone? Five years. He had been ten when his parents and younger sibling died in one of the plagues. The blonde shifted his position and stabled his breathing as he heard the sounds of the approaching patrol.  
  
"Do you think there's someone in this one? We found that whole family in that last one."  
  
"I don't know, Apis. We should check just in case."  
  
"I agree Panas."  
  
The boy's breath caught in his throat. He was too afraid to breathe. He shrinked into the corner, not moving an inch. The voices came closer. The tanned teenager gnawed his lip, tiny rivulets of blood forming. If he was caught, he'd be taken to the pharoah's pyramid. The boy began to panic. A small squeak escaped his mouth. His eyes grew larger when he heard the steps stop at the door to the room he was in.  
  
"Did you hear that Apis?"  
  
"I think someone's in there."  
  
"You go first?"  
  
"No, you go first. I'm older."  
  
"Fine." The guard, Panas, flung the door open and he saw the boy huddling in the corner. The soldier smiled wickedly. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Panas grabbed the boy roughly by his arm and hauled him to his feet. "What do you think of this Apis? A boy this lovely should be the personal slave of Pharaoh Yugioh."  
  
"Why not just keep him for ourselves Panas? I haven't indulged myself in virgin flesh for quite awhile. You are a virgin, aren't you boy?" Apis laughed, shoving the flaxen hair teen out the entrance. The boy didn't respond as a thin, trickle of blood made its way down his chin.  
  
Apis glanced around the empty place. "Panas, I think the boy needs to be taught a lesson. He should know when to answer to those better than him."  
  
"What do you have in mind Apis?"  
  
Apis ran a hand across the delicate cheek. "I don't know. We could always test him out before sending him to the prisons." The guard reared his hand back and slapped the violet eyed boy hard. Apis chuckled. "You can take your pain well. You must have been born to be a pleasure slave."  
  
Panas traced the curves of the boy's bare back, smirking as he shuddered from the touch as if it were ice. "Don't like to be touched, do you?" Panas's hand dropped to the sash of the boy's baggy white trousers. "I'll make you like this, slave."  
  
Just as the hand came into contact with the shivering boy's private area, another figure dashed onto the scene and punched Panas in the gut. The guard doubled over in pain, coughing and gasping. Apis snarled at the intruder but he wasn't able to swing a punch before he too was laying in the sand, sputtering.  
  
The boy opened his eyes and was staring into the deepest, murkiest chocolate eyes he had ever seen. The snow white hair fell to the boy's pale white shoulders, some places spiked. He was taller than the golden haired teenager and broader yet the muscles were toned. He was slimmer than the shorter boy, making him seem less strong than he appeared. "Are..you alright?"  
  
"Y..Yes. I'm fine."  
  
"You should've fought back, khered."  
  
"I..I couldn't. I was too...scared." The blonde twiddled his thumbs.  
  
The pale haired teen glanced around at their surroundings. "How long have you lived out here?"  
  
"Five cycles." (five years...)  
  
"Ah. Your lucky they didn't come earlier. Usually, those bastards search every abandoned house. Next time, be more careful." The taller boy began to leave, then paused. He spun around to see the boy in the same spot. "Damnit, khered! Fine. I can't leave you alone here. Your coming with me."  
  
"What?" the boy's head rose, amethyst eyes wide with surprise.  
  
"Your too weak for me to leave alone just to get captured again," his lip curled into sneer.  
  
The other boy's lower lips started to tremble, tears flecked the corners of his eyes. "I..I'm going to go. I dont want to be a burden to you. I'm sorry you had to waste your time rescuing me."  
  
"Khered...." He frowned, gazing at the boy in front of him who was trying to hold the tears at bay. "...Do you want to come with me or not?"  
  
"....You won't...won't get rid of me..will you?"  
  
As soon as those huge, purple eyes turned on him, he couldn't find his voice for several seconds. Instead, he shook his head. "I don't mind. By the way, my name is Bakura."  
  
"I'm Malik."  
  
Bakura allowed a rare smile to grace his lips as he tried to reassure the frightened boy. "Come on khered. We had better find a place to stay tonight." Bakura pointed at the skies above, the moon rising from her perch on the horizon, the sun reaching towards her. "I think there's a place around here that I used to escape to when I was a kid." Bakura started for the outlying districts of the city. Malik was frozen in spot, trembling. Bakura sighed, defeated. "Are you going to be okay, khered?"  
  
"Ye..yes," Malik's teeth chattered. "Its..its cold..."  
  
Bakura removed one of the layers of his clothes, draping it across the small shoulders. "That better?"  
  
Malik nodded, drawing the tunic more snuggly around his lithe body. "Thank you Bakura."  
  
"Hn," Bakura grunted, satisfied that Malik would be alright. He led the way, the younger boy trailing on the hem of his robes. "Its getting darker. Here," Bakura held his hand out. The second Malik's hand slipped into Bakura's, the snow haired teenager drew in a gasp. It was like magic and years after their hands first touched, Bakura swore lightning sizzled between them.  
  
* * *  
  
Hows this fic going so far? do you like it? Heh. I had to make those two OOC. Isn't love beautiful? *all starry eyed*  
  
Thanks for reviewing minna!  
  
iceangelalone, Enkidu, juvi, YugiKitty and MalikKitsune, ShadowSpirit, Danielle, rainbowscale, Mento Seto and Seiyaryu, eska-san, GrowlyGirl  
  
And for those who said they had no idea who Malik is, here's a website that runs it down. MMCK?  
  
http://www.geocities.com/cottosalamiman/maliksbios.html  
  
PICTURES:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/MIshtar7/index.html 


	3. PAST II

disclaimers: I OWN IT ALL!!! HAHAHAHA!! ..not really.  
  
This is Yaoi, boyxboy love. Dont like, bye bye!  
  
Yami B: yes, bye bye!  
  
Yami M: Ja ne!  
  
Malik is going to be OOC and so will Bakura and Yami(Yugioh) and Kaiba (Seth). This is in Ancient Egypt. I know I should have researched it but...eh....I didn't feel like it. I do know some about Ancient Egypt (I'm going to be an Egyptologist when i go off to college next year :P)  
  
Useful translations for Egyptian words I will be using in the rest of this fic  
  
beautiful: nefer love: mr child: khered mother: mewet friend: mer  
  
prince: re-pat son: sa thief: itja father: it magesty: hm  
  
  
  
I NEVER GOT TO SAY I LOVE YOU  
  
PAST II  
  
Bakura opened the door to a tavern on the outskirts of the city, the pharoah's temple looming in the distance. Walking along the dusty, dirt road with Malik in tow, the duo made their way to the front step; darkness enveloping them completely. Going inside, there were several cat calls coming from the drunk men. Bakura clutched Malik's hand tighter. A woman peeped from the counter. Her silver strands were pulled into a bun, held in place by two lethal pins, her kind blue eyes locked onto Bakura and Malik. She motioned for the two.  
  
"Bakura, what the in the name of Ra are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be going to find Mehi?"  
  
"Well I got sidetracked!" Bakura snapped at the older woman. "Just drop it. Bring him something to eat and prepare him a room."  
  
Malik smiled at the woman as she turned to leave. "Thank you."  
  
The woman returned the smile. "No problem, mer. Since that jerk won't tell you my name, its Lapis. I'll be back with your food in a minute."  
  
"She seems nice enough," Malik commented watching Lapis dissappear down the hall. "Bakura....thank you so much for doing this for me. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."  
  
"Don't worry about it, khered." Bakura leaned in the cushions on the floor, resting his arms behind his head. Malik fidgeted, eyes darting around the interior. Bakura smirked. 'Five cycles, huh? Thats too long to be isolated from other people. No wonder the kid's nervous not to mention shy.' Bakura touched his hand where it came into contact with Malik's skin. 'What happened to me earlier?'  
  
"Here you go, sweetie." Lapis set a heaping bowl of soup in front of Malik who nodded his thanks and started eating like he'd just seen a famine. Lapis glanced at Bakura who was regarding Malik intently. "Bakura, can we talk?"  
  
"Sure." Bakura and Lapis left Malik in the room. "What is it Lapis?" Bakura asked, idly flicking the table top with the knife Lapis had been using to prepare Malik's soup.  
  
"Why did you bring that boy here? It was foolish of you Bakura."  
  
"What was I supposed to do? Just let those bastards take him back to the palace so that he'd be thrown in jail or worse, used a pleasure slave to the phaorah," Bakura spat the last word out as if it were curdled milk. "Don't you dare presume to tell me what I can and cannot do Lapis."  
  
"I'm just worried, thats all Bakura." Lapis sighed, hands going to her forehead. "You were supposed to be robbing the tomb of Amohsis, not playing savior."  
  
Bakura slammed his fists to the table, embedding the knife in the wood. "Shut the fuck up Lapis. I dont need to hear this bullshit from you."  
  
"Does he know what you are?"  
  
"...No, he doesn't and I'm not going to tell him because he's staying here."  
  
"You'd leave him here?" Lapis raised a delicate eyebrow, her voice softened. "Take him with you Bakura." Lapis could see through the wall and into Bakura's heart and she found that there was love in the borders. "He won't be safe here."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Did you not see the way the customers were eyeing him? I can't protect him."  
  
"......damnit. Fine. I'll take him with me."  
  
"Good. Now maybe you won't be alone," Lapis muttered as Bakura returned to Malik. "You need someone...."  
  
Bakura idly leaned against the doorframe, eyes on the tanned figure wrapped in the filmy sheets. The white haired yami wondered if Malik had ever slept in a bed. Bakura stepped closer to Malik, sitting beside him on the bed. He reached out and carressed the blonde hair. "Nefer..." Bakura gasped, realizing what he had just said. Bakura froze when a pair of violet eyes languidly opened, the wine depths wide with fear. Malik moved to defend himself, a reflex from his past. "Malik, its me."  
  
Malik's hazy eyes cleared, blinking several times to relieve the sleep. He smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry Bakura. Did..did I so anything just now?"  
  
Bakura bit his tongue and shook his head. There was a reason for Malik's hesitating but he decided not to press it, yet. "Go back to sleep, khered. We leave early in the morning." As Bakura turned to leave, Malik grabbed his hand. Bakura was able to keep the shudder from being too visible.  
  
"...Would you sleep in here with me? Please? I..I dont want to be alone..." Malik blushed, eyes lowered. "..I'm scared that I'll wake up and this is all a dream."  
  
"...Sure khered." Bakura wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, drawing him close to his chest. Malik purred contently, eyes dropping in exhausation. Bakura kept his impulses at bay, not entirely sure why his body was reacting the way it was to Malik nor was he sure of the conflictiong emotions in his heart. The emotions that coursed through his viens was laden with feelings never experienced before.  
  
"Thank you Bakura....."  
  
"Your welcome Malik. Goodnight.."  
  
"Night," Malik sighed, slipping into the realm of dreams-dreams undisturbed by past nightmares. He cuddled closer to the warmth, fingers intertwining with Bakura's. Bakura brushed his lips over Malik's temple, his heart uttering promises to the blonde haired teenager.  
  
Lapis wiped a tear from her eye, heart swelling at the innocent scene. Perhaps Bakura was one step closer to finding his heart. Lapis gently closed the door, sighing. "Dont let him go, little brother."  
  
* * *  
  
Meep! Anotter chappie done!  
  
Thanks for reviewing. Review again please!  
  
Enkidu (lol, Malik and Yami B. are out of character...they are cute together!) Ginny (thank you and for those kind compliments, I'll keep at it! :P) Achika (i'm glad someone is enthusiastic ^_^) rainbowscale (did you learn what you needed about Malik? *_*) 


	4. PAST III

disclaimers: Noppies, not minesy  
  
warnings: boy x boy love  
  
Chapter ~ Love is the Fire in Which We Burn  
  
Lapis watched Bakura and Malik like a hawk, eyes taking in the flushed cheeks of her brother whenever Malik would venture a little too close or the way Malik's bronzed flesh tinged pink when Bakura spoke to him. Lapis was forced to keep her smirk neutral. Bakura preached against love and that it was evil, something not for him. Apparently, he was wrong on his heresey. Yes, Bakura was definitely falling for Malik. Bakura was excellent at hiding emotions he knew such as anger, fear, and joy but hiding love? Inconcievable.  
  
Lapis crossed the room, handing Bakura and Malik a haversack with food for their journey. The woman regarded Bakura with a stern expression. "I want you back home by rotation. Is that clear Bakura? You will not be spending another rotation off galavanting."  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes, shoulding the pack. "Sure Lapis. Besides, you want the chance to pester and fatten Malik. Isn't that right, dear?" He grinned ferally, leering at his sister. Lapis huffed, folding her arms in front of her chest. "We have to be going. I'll try to come home by rotation, alright? Happy?"  
  
"Very much. Malik, keep Bakura in your sights at all times. He has a tendency to stray from the original task." Meaning the Tomb of Amohsis.  
  
Malik smiled softly. "I promise Lapis. Thank you."  
  
"O-kay!" Bakura broke up the too tender moment by slinging his arm across Malik's shoulders. "Sis, we'll probably return with Mehi. Ra knows he wants to see you again." He kissed the smoothe cheek, letting his face drop the mask. "Miss you Lapis."  
  
"I'll miss you too Bakura. Good luck and be careful!" she yelled as the pair exited the tavern. She busied herself with wiping down the counter of the bar, sniffling. She feared for Bakura's safety everytime he went on raids.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
The morning sun shone without any signs of disappearing behind the sparse, fluffy white clouds. Bakura glanced at his companion, frowning. Malik shifted the bag to the other shoulder for the tenth time since they had left Lapis's tavern. Bakura rolled his eyes, breaking the starkingly oppressive silence. "Give me that khered," Bakura held out his hand in quiet demanding.  
  
Malik shook his head. "I won't become any stronger if I dont carry my weight, so to speak."  
  
That answer surprised Bakura. He narrowed his eyes. "And just how long do you think you're going to be traveling with me? Months? Years?" Malik flushed, staring at the sand beneath his feet. "Believe me, you'll want to leave as soon as you can."  
  
"But why?!" Malik protested, voice full of passion. Bakura was taken aback by the vehemency in the other's tone. "I owe you for saving my life and that indebts me to you until I die. Its one of the old codes taught to me by my mother before she died."  
  
"Ah, so the only reason you want to remain is so you can fulfill your mandate?"  
  
"Well....I'd..I'd like to get to know you better. We are friends, aren't we?" Bakura nodded. Malik smiled, throwing his arms around Bakura. He immediately went rigid at the feeling of another pressed so firmly against his body. How long had it been since he had been held? Held somebody? Much too long. Bakura hesitantly brought his arms to encircle the slender waist of his friend. He was forced to supress the moan. Malik fit perfectly, not too tall nor too short.  
  
Bakura withdrew first, much to Malik's disappointment. "We need to hurry to my acquaintances before noon. He may have already thought I was going to come since I skipped out on him yesterday." Insert guilty visage from Malik. "The little bastard's dangerous, I want you to stay behind me or next to me at all times while we're in his presence."  
  
"O.okay Bakura but why is he dangerous?"  
  
"Because, once he sees something beautiful, he generally makes it his rule to obtain that beauty." Malik's face scrunched into an adorably confused pout. Bakura sighed. How Malik retained the innocence after been alone for five cycles was amazing. Bakura decided to explain what he meant. "Malik, its no lie that your beautiful." Both boys cheeks flushed from the compliment. "And Mehi will see that too."  
  
"Oh...OH!" Malik eyes grew insanely round. "You mean, he might try and do what those men tried to do?"  
  
"Thats exactly what I mean. If Mehi thinks your taken, then he won't bother with you. Especially if your taken by me."  
  
"So, this means that you want us to pretend to be together?"  
  
"If that doesn't bother you?"  
  
"No," Malik said a bit hastily, causing Bakura to raise a brow.  
  
"Good."  
  
* ~ *  
  
Thanks for reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^  
  
Next chapter: Malik and Bakura pretend to be lovers in Mehi's presence but...is it just a little too convincing? ^_~ 


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